“The Quit My Life” series tackles 9 topics of sabotage that I am in the process of conquering. I wanted to share my journey to my readers as maybe this suffering can help someone get out of their suffering.
I was a failure at building and maintaining relationships. Apparently, you need that skill set in order to network and grow a legacy built on loyalty, trust and love. I didn’t get that memo until early 2016 when my life crumbled under its last good leg. Though I was a failure at relationships most is my life, I somehow kept a place in people’s minds and hearts even long after my absence. Why is that? I am an honest, gentle, loving, intelligent, creative, funny, cute and adoring lady that everyone was cool with but that nobody really respected. I had credibility only when my hard work proved to top everyone’s effort. So why didn’t I respect myself more?
I always said what I wanted to do but hardly do what I always said. It’s not that I lied it’s just I let fear, doubt and indecisiveness control my every thought and move. Because of this ongoing self-sabotage I have let things and people most did to me fade away – while going about my normal routine. It was all learned behavior with growing up seeing multiple relationships fail and not having anyone around to teach me how to grow a foundation.
I became disappointed in myself so much that I couldn’t even get that angry when people disappointed me. No, that’s not the same thing as being taken advantage of. It had to take a lot of self-abuse to finally drop down to my knees, throw my hands up and want to go back to church. I have been led astray for so long without having any real standards. I wasn’t living at all to my potential so I decided to quit my life and start a new, better-equipped life. The life I deserve and the life I have always dreamed of.